Stephen and Korbi Ashton Family

There was one time a long time
Ago, like maybe 8 years ago, I was scared. I was babysitting my then one year old niece, Hanna, over the New Year. She choked on a tootsie roll and I gave her the heimlich and she threw up
And her face turned back to its normal rosie color. I won't ever forget the time, where I was, and how relieved I felt.
There was a second time, I was at Walmart and Beck wandered away. I was frantic. Contacting every employee (who most of them just stood there) picturing my baby boy being sped away in an unidentifiable white van.... Then I heard his screams as a manager tried to pick him up. He was swinging and kicking, determined not to let this stranger get him. I had never before felt so relieved.
Now there have been other times when I have had a moment when I thought I would freak or lose it or lose someone I loved, but today was a kicker....
Stephen was at Lowes, the kids and I were in the kitchen eating lunch. I turned my back to stir some fry sauce and when I turned back around Beck was gasping. Gasping isn't even a good word for it. There was no sound coming from him. Then he fell off the chair and hit the ground. I just thought he needed to spit out a mouth full of food and carried him to the garbage. He looked back at me and the bottom half of his face was blue and the top half a very pale white. I panicked. In the next few instances I weighed him
In my head (thinking he's small, can I lean him over and hit him
In upward motions like a baby? Or actually wrap my arms around him and thrust upward??) So many things ran through mind. I was hitting his back so hard starting to freak out as he hit the floor again and started convulsing. I was terrified. I was trying to think rationally but at the same time was mentally timing how fast it takes me to get to the hospital road to see if an ambulance would make it. I was picturing them not making it. I was yelling at Paisley to "call daddy, get my phone! Beck was clawing at the air and his fingers were down his throat. He wouldn't take his hands out of his mouth and I kept hitting him. He threw up a bit, but kept clawing for air. So then I wrapped my arms around his tiny body and jerked with my fists a few times and he threw up a bit more. He started hazardly to the bathroom. Running wild, still not breathing. My mind would not stop, picturing him still choking and running out of air. Then he made it to the bathroom with me right behind and I pushed him again and he swallowed it!!! He gasped this huge crying wail and never in my whole life had I been more happy to hear him bawling. I have never been more convinced that this was it. That I couldn't stop the choking. I was so relieved for the CPR/First Aid training that I do have, but couldn't wait to take the class again.
This whole time sweet Paisley is yelling "daddy! Daddy!!!"
Trying to "call" her daddy because she couldn't find my phone. About this time Beck and I lost it, bawling our eyes out, and he swears he will never eat a strawberry again. I love my baby boy and I am so happy I still
Have him. He can have as many Ding Dongs as his little
Heart desires!