Sunday, August 30, 2015

We spent pretty much our last week of summer at the cabin and made some fun memories. I love it there. 
Paisley worked on some sewing of a baby blanket for her dolls. 
Beck practiced his surfing and began jumping on the wakeboard. 
Penelope explored and rode in the boat. 
Remington loves riding on the tube. 
And Violet watched a football game with her daddy. 
And I practiced my Milky Way photography. There is a fire up there now called the Tower Fire and I captured it on this image on the left hand side. This photo was taken in Cavanaugh Bay. 

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Violet 4 months 
12 lbs 4oz 
15.75" head 
24"
She smiles. A lot. At everyone. 
Still wakes up 2-3 times a night. Loves her mama and daddy and the noise of the kids. She giggles and coos and is strong at tummy time. She gets her stint out of her eye this month and seems to have had no further complications from her eye surgery. 
Violet loves to be held facing out towards the world and she still loves being swaddled. She sleeps facing her head stretched out kind of weird, but if you try and correct it she wiggles right back to that position. Baby Vi is currently out favorite baby and will hold the position for a while! 
Stephen invited a bunch of people over for my 33rd birthday. I had no idea they were all coming. I was just glad I had showered. It was fun to see friends old and new! 

Friday, July 31, 2015

"Mama!"
"Mooooom!!!"
"Ahhhhh!!!" 

I'm not going to lose it and yell. 

"I'm sooooo hungry!" 
"Where's my book!" 
"When is lunch?" 

I'm standing in the kitchen barely closing the dishwasher and it's the sound of little feet running to the kitchen asking for a snack. It always happens when I just finish wiping the counter from the last meal. 

I'm not going to yell, they just want a snack. 

But I want to. 

"Where are my shoes?"
"Can my friend come over?"
"Can I play on your phone?"

The doorbell rings as I open the banana peel for the child who just ate their 3rd meal and it's not even lunch yet. The mailman just rang the doorbell and I want to cry because it woke up the baby that has an upset tummy and didn't sleep much last night. And now my 3 year old is standing in the open doorway naked asking the mail man why their nose is so big. 

I will not yell. I will maintain my cool. 

Now screaming baby, toddler wants phone and is in meltdown mode, 9 year old wants friends over, and 3 year old has now attempted to wipe her poopy bum by herself all the while the 7 year old just can't stop having a panic attack about her drawing the she just found in the garbage. 

I'm losing it. There is no way to keep myself contained in the next 5 minutes. Frantically text husband. "Help me." 

"What's up?"
"I'm going to lose it, I can't take any more crying" 
"I'm sorry" 

And that's it, I'm on my own. I can feel the yelling climbing up my throat. 

"Stop touching me! Mom! She's touching me!"
"Ahhhhh!!!"
"I want your phone!" 

STOP! Stop everything!!! Clean up these toys I've stepped on 10 times! How many times have I asked you to put cyour shoes away? Stop answering the door! Where in the hell are your clothes? Please BE QUIET! 

I yelled. I broke. I lost my cool. And now my kids are scared. They are scared of the person that loves them so dearly. The person who would do anything for them. 

And now more tears. 

She just wants a snack. He just wants a friend over to play. She just can't find her pet shop toy. Baby just wants to be held. 

And now I'm crying. I ask for forgiveness. I gather my wits and myself off the floor and I'm going to try this again. I will do better. I will be the mom they need and want. I love them more than life itself and I want to be better. 

I get slobbered with hugs and kisses and "it's ok mommy, I love you" 

"Mom, can I have your phone now?"

And the cycle of motherhood begins again. 

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Ashton cabin finished off our week with all night driving and arriving at 3am. 
4th of July celebrations and lots of boating! 

And sleeping... 


Friday, July 10, 2015

The drive continued with a couple hour stop in Burley at my grandmas to see aunt Jana, uncle terry, Tim and Debbie, uncle Al and various other cousins. My sister and parents as well. 
Paisley retreated to Mimi's blue room to read books for a while that Mimi gave her. 
Uncle Al made all the kids snow cones which they loved of course! 
Mimi and her babies that she loves so dearly. 

Drive continued thru to Rexburg and more cousins. 
Sadie and Violet.