Progress?

Beck and I have made progress. I started a "quarter jar." I have been working with him for a while trying to learn the value of a dollar and he has done quite well. Earning money for toys at Wal-Mart, hasn't really comprehended that if you save the money you can get bigger toys, so we tend to come home with junk, but he's learning right? Anyways, instead of earning dollars since that broke me fast, I made two jars; an "M" jar for Mom and a "B" jar for Beck. Now he earns quarters for good behavior, sleeping downstairs and not in my bed, not wetting his pants. not beating up defenseless children at school, you get the idea. And I get to take quarters away from his jar and put in mine when I catch such said behavior. It's not a perfect system, but it does work quite well when I remember to take the jars with me where ever we go. (yes, I carry these 2 huge jars into Wal-Mart on many occasion) Today was not such a good day, 5 quarters got taken away. When I say something about quarters he stops what he doing and looks to see what I am doing whether I am taking them away or adding them. So cross your fingers for me. My Love and Logic book isn't coming, anyone got one I can borrow?

On a happy note: YARD SALE season is upon us. I got up super early last Saturday and got all this for $2.50. And I also got a school desk and chair for $5 for a friend that she has been looking for for a bit. Yeah for me! I don't even want to tell you what my friend Jessica found. It makes me sick and the fact that she didn't go until noon and I was up at 6:00 am makes me even sicker...

Heaven Help ME!!!

I love my kids. I do. I promise. But I need help. Serious help. It's my son, I love him, I have to keep reminding myself of that, but he is very, shall we say, difficult? Part of my problem is that I am his preschool teacher/gymnastic coach and mother. He definitely doesn't listen to me as a teacher, let alone as his mother. His main problem is he is quite aggressive. Others would probably say REALLY aggressive (especially the ones that continually come home with bruises and beat upon faces) but I am trying to give the guy a little credit? Maybe he is just making up for his size?? Right? maybe? He loves to wrestle, and doesn't usually know when to stop, let alone he shouldn't have started wrestling during carpet time anyway, or in the middle of the family prayer, but he ends up always hurting someone or making them cry. Yes, one of his favorite shows is Transformers and the Power Rangers are becoming a new favorite. I don't not let him watch them, but I'm not setting him in front of a horror movie either. He back talks and screams and punching and his two most common lines are "I'm not your friend!" and "I don't like you!" Replaced sometimes with him/her to fit whoever has ticked him off. The drama that surrounds this kid reminds me of my tumultuous teen years, but he's only 4?!?!
Now on to what I have tried:
I've tried ignoring him
Making him draw "I'm sorry" pictures to whoever he has hit/scratched/punched/yelled at.
Remove him from the situation and set him on a chair til he calms down and/or quits crying. During this he is usually screaming that he hates me and scratching my arms or face, whatever he can get at. It's hard to take him out of class and sit with him and expect the other teacher to just take over. Especially when it's 10-15 times a day.
Heck, I've spanked the kid, I won't deny it. I've even lost it quite a few times by grabbing his arm, putting him in a room by himself, just so I can walk away and not beat the crap out of him.
When we are in the car and he screams at me or hits his cousin Ashton or something, I pull over, take him out and sit on the side of the road until he calms down. I have done this up to 11 times on one 15 minute trip to the store. I am as consistent as possible, making me late to church, meetings, school, gym, you name it.
I am always consistent in telling him I love him and asking him what he thinks he did wrong, instead of me telling him.
I understand that I am responsible for the kid, that if he grows up to be a juvenile delinquent its mostly on me, and I understand that I need to be consistent, I try something for a few months before I realize it's not working. But I have always been consistent that this behavior is not okay. And no, he's not getting any better, it's only getting worse. I also understand that if I wasn't his teacher then maybe he would be better, but until the end of this year, I am his teacher, so something has got to happen to get me to the middle of June before him or I or both of us end up in a looney bin!! For this very reason I am quitting my job next year and not teaching and going to stay home and be consistent and make him peanut butter sandwiches after I pick him up from school, but until then what???
I understand that for those that are against spanking are aghast that I would spank him because it's only teaching him to hit back, but I've gone the "stay calm and he won't feed off of your rage" route and it sucked. I lose it, I black out for a minute and I am mad! I don't beat the kid and I've maybe only spanked him a hand full of times, so I don't think that I have beat into him a sense of all physical violence will get you what you want, but I don't think I should lose it in the first place to the point that I want to spank him.
So what I am asking for those out there: H.E.L.P! Please, help me. I know that my son is not the only child out there that is a "difficult" one. They wouldn't have books or therapy or special preschools dedicated to it if it was only my kid. But it's pretty bad. I know that kids have fits, I understand that, I'm a preschool teacher for heaven's sake, but there is something different about him. It's like all the time... and it's so violent... So what do you do? Therapy, books? Special rewards? How do you not go crazy wanting to lock yourself in a room and pray that he turns out a decent member of society? Why is he so mean to friends, why does he freak out and hit everyone? Why does he scream and make these awful "I'm gonna kill you!!" noises?
Today, I feel like a bad mom. ...and what's worse is, is she going to turn out just like him? I don't think I can handle two like that.... (coming from a mom that wanted 8 kids) Ha!

Scary....

So today Stephen wanted to go on a bike ride since I got my endorsement and all. So I was thinking like to McDonalds and back. No, he had a better idea. He wanted to go on a 140 mile ride to Wilbur, uh, no thanks. Luckily Tiffanni and Ruben were a little later than when we were going to leave, so we only went out to Odessa and back. But it was still 100 miles... I wanted to ease into it, you know like ride around in the neighborhood, maybe take the bike across town some day. Stephen said the only way I was going to learn how to be more comfortable on the bike was if I just jump right into riding. Now seriously, I don't know what my problem is. I have never really been afraid of much... (minus spiders, water, and a psycho breaking in and kidnapping my children) Not to sound all brave and courageous, but airplanes, jumping off bridges, driving fast, cliff jumping, sky diving, sign me up baby! Driving a motorcycle going 70+ while semis are flying by? Not my idea of adventure, more like a death wish...
But I survived and I think that I even had fun! At one point I got behind and had to do 80 to catch up. When a gust of wind hits me and I bobble I feel like my heart is going to stop. If you have ever read the Uglies and the Pretties book series, it was definitely "icey!" My sis-in-law Tiffanni, her hubby Ruben (who took the bike class with me last weekend, even though he's been riding for a few years. I think he took it so I didn't have to be alone...) friend Derik Hines and GF Jarna, and my hubby were everyone in attendance. We stopped and ate at the Odessa Drive-in and I sucked down an ice cold Mtn Dew that made me have to pee all the way home.... Fun day, in a way. :)This is the Bad A sis-in-law Tiffanni. She drives wwaaayyyyy faster than me. :)

Wind Storm

So I really like where we live, but we have a big sagebrush/tumbleweed area right behind our house. So whenever the wind blows we get a bunch of tumbleweeds all over our place with crappy pokies and it's hard to get rid of them. But I wasn't expecting to see this when I opened my front door after 60 mph winds...

Performing, motorcycles, and hair

Beck had his first break dancing performance last night with Tangleroots. The other three boys in his class are cousin Ashton, Cameron, and Jackson. They are all four and meet one night a week for 45 minutes. I thought some or all of them would cry or refuse to go on, but nope, all four of these little guys are true performers, soaking it all and even going for more!

Seriously was the cutest thing...On a "yeah for Korbi" note I spent most of the weekend at a motorcycle endorsement class and I passed!!! Whoo hoo! It was FREEZING, and actually not the easiest thing in the world. You have to like stop on a dime, do a tiny figure 8 in this little box, and other things. There was also a written test that I wasn't too worried about, it's practically multiple guess. But if I say so myself, I was tied for top in the class for the actual driving test! (This is the part where I forget to mention that my sis-in-law totally beat me at the class that I was supposed to take last summer) I don't even want to talk about Beck's hair.... But it was starting to get sad when he would run and have to brush it out of his eyes. And he said today at Tiffanni's house that he wanted hair like Ashton's that looked like a baseball. So until next Fall when I get to grow it out again... ;(

On another sad note, Ms Paisley started the dreaded throwing up. The sad thing is now that the day is drawing to a close, she is starving, but I don't dare....

Easter

Easter was a relaxing day with it being General Conference as well (Which is next to IMPOSSIBLE to watch with young kids!) We had our egg hunt early Sunday morning with Uncle Bubba in attendance, half asleep, but there just the same. It was good to have my brother visiting. He got a job in Seattle, so I hope that we see a lot more of him. Then a lazy day of conference watching with the smell of ham cooking and carrots and a "Grandma MIMI jello" in the fridge. Dinner was at about 4 with Kortni's family and all the kids.

Paisley's birthday party

We invited Kortni and her family over and had Taco soup, presents, and cake and ice cream. Paisley was the cutest opening her presents. This is the first time that she has really "got it." Like ripping through the gift wrap and then oohing and aweing over what was inside. She would scramble to get to the inside of the box to get to the baby doll or house or whatever. She loved these homemade "wipes" that my mom made because she loves to cover things with wipeys. She knew exactly what they were. She kind of tossed aside the jammies and chonies that Kortni got her. I guess she's not ready for potty training yet. :) I also stayed up late ones night making her a tutu which she could have cared less about. I couldn't even get her to put it on! Happy Birthday Angel Cakes!

Paisley turns 2

My oh my, my sweet baby girl is 2. "Man, how the time flies!" When Paisley was born, I just remember my first date with Stephen; a Brad Paisley concert. I thought, "I'm gonna name my daughter Paisley if we get married." Then after marriage and Beck I decided that I wanted to have ALL boys. There was no way I wanted to raise an emotional drama queen like myself, but alas, I wouldn't have been able to enjoy this sweet little, sometimes pouty and dramatic little princess...

Paisley at 1 year old...Paisley at one day old...

Paisley Marion at 2:

Favorite Movie: 101 Dalmatians, hence the new birthday shirt

Favorite Food: candy, pancakes, peaches, spaghetti, eggs, toast, peanut butter and jelly. She pretty much enjoys food.

Favorite past time: pouting when she doesn't get what she wants, playing with her CareBears and following Beck around

Favorite shoes: These little purple and silver tennis shoes from PayLess that her Aunt Kortni bought her for Christmas and these bright red church shoes I got at a yard sale. I have to hide them because if she see the tennis shoes, she will wear them to church and if she sees the red shoes she will wear them to dig in the dirt.

Favorite Things: "babas" (sippy cups) blankets, one of my old purses with wallet that she carries her CareBears and play phones and cameras in. (Like mother like daughter, that girl has everything in her purse!) cuddling with mama and daddy, cousins, and Aunts, like mentioned before; pouting... and she is really quite the pro at it. Breakfast, lunch, snacks, and dinner. Jumping in the trampoline in the garage and at the gym.

I love my dear Paisley and it is so fun to have her around and still tote her around like my little baby and put "pretties" in her hair, and snuggle, and make her laugh... Happy Birthday my sweet, calm angel... please stay that way! ;)