Tuesday, January 13, 2015

I sure wished my kids slept. I understand that somewhere along the line that I "messed up." One too many times exhaustion helped me give in and I brought them to bed. Remington is almost two and I still rock him to sleep, selfishly because I love that snuggle time, that 20 minutes of peace, just him and I. I gently place him in his bed, even though by 2am I am stumbling through the dark following his cries to only bring him to come lay by me or on the floor. When any of the kids are sick they sleep on my floor. It's easier for me to hear the vomit and race to catch it or clean it up. Again. It's a lose lose for me. Between the 4 of them I think I get up between 10-20 times each night depending on who is sick, wet the bed, or just cant seem to settle down. Remington is probably the worst. That kids is fussy in his sleep, like uber fussy. Penelope likes to fall sleep wherever I am. So if I am up late folding clothes she is laying down outside the laundry room doorway, or sleeping on the floor next to where my lap top is as I edit pictures. If she falls asleep for a late nap (she doesn't nap normally anymore) because we have been driving around To activities after school then I can guarantee that she will be up until 2am. Last time I slept all night was in July when Stephen took me to Switzerland. And even then I think I was up worrying about the kids or skyping them because of the time change. 
I understand that I signed up for this and I even can deal with it most of the time because I am quite the insomniac myself. But being 6 months pregnant with #5 and not being able to lay on the ground with them anymore and I'm getting up every hour to pee anyways it's really starting to take a toll. I am past the point of exhaustion. I am somewhere in between zombie status and psychoville. But right? I will miss this. When my babies are grown up and gone and I'm getting up to deal with arthritis and early morning strolls through the neighborhood with my little yappy dog that I will treat like a baby. I will miss this. Time is passing too quickly, the are growing too fast. One day I will miss this, but at 2am when I've barely caught a wink of shut eye myself I am not going to lie. I don't miss it. Not yet. Not for one second. 

No comments: