My sadness

I didn't want to post this on the "world wide web" for the whole world to read, but I did want to record it, so I am just going to save it in my drafts and publish it later when no one will read it. :) I quit nursing my baby girl and I am having a hard time. I had a blister on the same side for a month and 1/2. It's the same side and the exact same spot that gave me all those problems while nursing Beck, and well, I just gave up. We were at the cabin it was a few days before she turned 9 months and I just quit. I wanted to nurse for a long time. I wanted to have that closeness, that "bottle on the go," I wanted her to get all the nutrients and smiles and drunken breastmilk looks, but I guess we're done. I am still fighting a little engorgement, but it hasn't been too bad. The blister cleared right up and Paisley is doing fine on formula and takes it all like a champ. I think that she likes that she doesn't have to work as hard. I am still a little torn, but my body is feeling better, but now she has RSV, and a bunch of little infections all over her body and I can only think to blame myself....